Ladies, life is full and busy.

Each of us is on a spiritual journey, one day at a time, making our way back to the most authentic version of ourselves.  I am right there with you , Sisters.    I love the idea of becoming a better version of me.   I have a shelf of books on spirituality, health, self improvement … to say nothing of what’s on the tablet!  But it is hard to find time to change meals, incorporate exercise,  and find time to meditate or take a class for ourselves! Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a compact path to self improvement? One that didn’t require rescheduling our whole calendar?

There is wisdom that makes our increased wellness accessible and timely available to us.  We simply need to know where to find it, how to apply it, and have someone by our side to encourage us…. with that in mind, I  would love to begin a series of posts on some of the book that have played a significant role in my own wellness and spiritual journey.

Always fascinated with how your body can convert foods into energy .. for good or evil, I loved Alexandra Jamison’s book Women, Food, and Desire.  WFD was significant in my quest to begin coaching women who are ready to reclaim their health and establish a wellness program tailored for them.

Alex shares her own story with endearing candor as she navigated away from one career path, marriage, and lifestyle into living a life on her own terms, making her own health and happiness a priority.  She shares stories from her own life with humility and humor, encouraging the reader to be honest with ourselves about what we truly want.

One of the first questions she asks her clients … and us … is: What do you want?  What do we want from life.  What do we want IN our life?  Health, happiness, fulfillment …. weight loss, discipline, more passion….   The struggle to find a balance is real and Alexandra Jamieson lays out a path to uncover whats hidden, eliminate the road blocks, and reclaim our right to passion, love, and happiness in our lives.

The parallel between women’s hidden desires and our food cravings runs deep.  Alex makes these connections, assists in identifying what cravings we hide from the world and how we try to cover them even from ourselves.  WFD provides a systematic way to look at our daily habits and choices to determine what void we are trying to fill in our emotional body, and makes it FUN!

The systematic approach to eliminating one possible trigger at a time makes the dietary changes manageable and allows us to determine if the changes are worth keeping long term in our new meal plan.  When we feel better in our bodies, we are ready to play.  We are more willing to make love.  We are better able to love and respect ourselves … which brings us to a place of making empowered choices FOR us.  Your life is YOURS. It is yours to feel beautiful, sexy, and passionate.  Women, Food, and Desire is a great place to start!

Women, Food, and Desire … I have read and rereaad, shared, and even given it to loved ones.  Fantastic content, engaging narratives, and real life application make this a gem to be cherished as a favorite tool on your wellness journey.

worthiness

My current read is Brene Browns, ” The Gifts of Imperfection”.  So many amazing nuggets of wisdom and insight in all of her work!

The thing that is standing out to me today is this sentence, “If we want to experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.”

She goes on to explain that in her research it seems that this is the one defining concept that separates people who feel loved and have a sense of belonging, versus those who do not.

So where does that leave you?  And how do we increase our sense of belonging and our ability to receive love? We are so good at giving … we have an innate challenge, chip on our shoulder almost, that says: you cant out love me.  And we are often trying to prove that by out loving, out giving those around us. What drives that compulsion?  Im afriad it is a fear of not being enough. A doubt in our own worthiness.

So how do we shift that balance?  Investment.  We value things and people we have emotionally and energetically (and financially) invested in, correct?  And often we put ourselves last, willing to take the leftovers after everyone has been served.  What if we flip that mindset?  What if we took care of the Mamas needs first?  Never to say we should become selfish or neglect the needs of our loved ones, but to say we need to make the list of our loved ones.  Our worthiness comes from the INSIDE.  The value we place on ourselves is the value others acknowledge.

Lets begin.  Together. Here and now.  You carve out time for soccer practice and birthday outings?  Then you can carve out time to meditate or practice yoga.  Lets start making routine investments in our own self worth account.

You ARE worthy.

You ARE enough.

New Traffic Pattern

Recently, I was away for a little change of scenery.  The trip was perfect! Nice weather, good company, excellent food and wine …. who could ask for more?  So grateful for the chance to see and enjoy new things!

On the way, traffic was light, no major construction detours or delays but a sign in a construction are did catch my eye and stick with me.

The sign said, ” New traffic pattern; lane shift ahead”.

Resist the new shifts, the new patterns,  and we all know what happens …. people resist merging til the last second and that creates traffic jams and delays.  Sometimes it creates accidents.  The new traffic patterns are supposed to make things flow more efficiently and it takes a little getting used to but eventually, the new pattern becomes a habit and we grow comfortable with the new.

How true is this in our own lives?  My work as a whole, both massage and coaching, is really assitsing to create new patterns.  If we are in an old pattern of dysfunction … something that may have served us well at one time, but is now outdated and needs reconstruction, we end up in the same place over and over.  Creating new healthful patterns is work.  It takes getting used to… may even cause a traffic jam of emotions or an accident but we do get used to it, and find that even that newness becomes routine.

I like that the sign gave a clear heads up about what to expect.  Two parts… “new traffic pattern.  Lane shift ahead”.  Now, on the highway, we have no choice in the traffic pattern or the lane shift.  However we DO have a choice in our lives.  We can create the new pattern, but recognizing the patterns that are inefficient in our current situation and designing some lane shifts to allow an efficient flow.

Preaching to the choir, ladies. Believe me, i have my share of lanes to shift! and have been… I have been on a dedicated journey to self improvement… clearing blocks, removing inefficient patterns and simplifying … and you know what I find?  I have so much more room for joy and gratitude!

In her book,  “Daring Greatly”, Brene Brown shares that there seems to be a correlation between gratitude and happiness.  That people who express more gratitude have a more abiding sense of joy than people who express less gratitude.

So the first new traffic pattern, the first lane shift is to consciously turn our attention to what we DO have.  To be thankful for our health, our current body our relationships, this gratitude allows more room for joy, joy in turn allows for more gratitude and we develop a pattern of increasing joy and gratitude.

There is no upper limit … no ceiling to our gratitude except what we place there ourselves.  SO …. new traffic pattern …. expressing gratitude.  I would like to propose a three pronged approach to this building gratitude and joy campaign.

We need to acknowledge our own worth, our value to others,  and the joy in the world around us.  So my thought for developing a new pattern for the traffic of our thoughts is this:  3 things i am grateful for about ME…. physical, mental or emotional things I value in myself.  such as: Strong legs to carry me to work, or on a walk to increase my health; dedication to my improvement; my yoga practice. OK there are three things I value about myself for my own benefit and self care.  Now, three things that I value in myself that I share with others ( this is easier than finding value for self I think for most of us): Compassion; ability to listen; active deconstruction of any judgement i recognize.  Lastly, this is the easiest I would think … three things i am grateful for in the world around me:  my new move to downtown Mystic …. lovely and inspiring every day;  sunshine!; the highway system, enabling us to get to places far and near with relative ease.

Gratitude as a lifestyle will cause new traffic patterns to emerge, the lanes will shift, and your joy levels will increase dramatically!  Blessings this day, dear friends.  May your day be filled with small moments of increased gratitude and recognized joys!

Grounded

Good morning,

As a lifestyle transition coach I am concious of change all around us every day.

Change is scary.

What will happen next?  

Where will I go?

When will I make these changes?

How long will it take? 

Why is this happening to me?

All questions with many possible answers and all still unanswered.  I know.  I just moved.  Office and home in 5 days flat.  Lots of running up and down stairs.  Many skipped meals, forgotten in the busyiness of moving.  All done quickly and as efficiently as possible.  I knew the move was coming so was prepared for the changes but I still had to over come resistance to change.

When we resist change, we dread the transition, rather than enjoying the opportunity for growth.  This, I think, Is the key.  Nonresistence.  Change is our birthright.  It ensures we are constantly growing and evolving.  Even something as simple as a move one town away creates the opportunity to embrace the changes and develop our adventurous side or resist and allow the bitterness of victim mindset to awaken.

The question is how do we stay grounded during this transitional time?  We need some simple self care practices that we can count on every day.  Meditation, yoga … even 15 minutes, salt water bath, a walk … something that get your head and body back together can keep you grounded in the midst of chaos.  Since my new move I have walked almost every day and although I am taking time out of my day this focus on my own health has also inspired creativity and motivation in my work.  I am surprised and happy with how much joy this walk outside produces.  You see things differently afoot than you do in your normal mode … I am inspired by this new perspective.

So transitions.  All good.  Hard, yes.  But growth is worth it.  Growth can be hard and nonresistence is a process and discipline we must work on each day.  Buds first then blossoms.

Do you trust yourself?

An odd question …. do you trust yourself?

Do you trust yourself to make healthy, loving and affirming decisions for yourself?  We do trust ourselves to make safe and conscientious decisions and choices for our loved ones; why is it so strange to think about trusting ourselves about ourselves? We have all made choices that we look back on and think: the outcome would have been better if i had chosen differently. Somewhere along the line we agreed with a cultural or social concept out of fear, physical or fear of embarrassment, it triggered a stress response and we learned not to trust ourselves.  Even worse, we believed we were not worthy of loving approval.

We know in relationships trust is vital.  Trust is a core element of a healthy relationship with yourself as as well as anyone else in fact, it is the foundation for how deeply and wholly you are able to trust other people.  We need to select and develop a support group te allows us space to idendity the lies we accepted that we molded these habits of distrust around.

We are powerful, wise intuitive and worthy!  We deserve tp be in a relationship where we love and are loved …. and it starts with ourselves.

Our journey back into ourselves … back to a place where we try to impress no one, have no fear of judgement is a life long process.   The reality of loving the woman of our soul is going to take work, as all relationships do.  the work of our own healing journey and process is so worthwhile and will equip us to help other sisters on their healing journey.

Let’s begin by looking at our habits.  The habits that distract us from our unmet emotional needs and desires.  Our cravings point to the emotional source and once we identify them we can begin to change them.  Trust yourself to change out old habits of self sabotage for creative alternatives building healthy patterns.  You are worthy of feeling good, looking good and doing good!  This is your birthright: self love and s

Femme Journal

elf trust.

Women’s Wellness

What is women’s wellness?

We know that diet and exercise are crucial to our health; yet often our own nutrition or fitness is forgotten in the urgency of daily living.  Our lives are full and complicated, rich and busy!  Who has time for the gym or the yoga mat?  Yoga at home with kids, pets, friends and phones calling for your attention is hardly meditative.  Carving time out before or after work to hit the gym or get to a class makes meal planning even more tricky.

Women’s wellness is more than just fitness and nutrition.  It is  a lifestyle that supports and cultivates expansive well being in each area and relationship in a woman’s life …. beginning with our relationship with our self.

It is a balance between the physical needs an, clean diet and regular exercise, and our emotional and mental well being.

In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown speaks about the difference between our “aspirational values” and our ” practical values”.  Our aspirational values are the ideals we believe in, support and hold dear but not necessarily things we actually incorporate into our daily life.  Practical values are our real time values.  The disconnect can cause anxiety and a lack of self trust.  If we aspire to practice yoga 5 days a week, but in the practical world are on the mat once a week we feel like we have let ourselves down.  More self bullying ensues.

How do we break that cycle? Brown says, “We don’t have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with action.”

Women’s wellness is a daily process of aligning our values with action for the betterment of ourselves.  Mental, emotional, physical aspects of our lives must be made a priority and tended to as we tend to someone we love.

Each of us is worthy of being cherished and supported, surrounded by love and encouragement.  We need to start with being our own best friend.  No more self bullying.  First step in the reprogramming our wellness plan: love yourself. Replace negative self talk with affirmative words, guilt free encouragement as you make choices for you as you would for someone you love.

Lifestyle transition

Where do you start?  Where do we begin to unravel where one stops and another begins?

Whether the transition is a break up, a child going away, a new career or something else the gap left by the newly missing pieces is a hole.  A hole that needs to be filled with something.  How do we take this opportunity to create a new lifestyle that incorporates things that are healthy for us, and allows us to create our new identity as well as feeling whole again.

This is a time for some soul searching. A time to discover what we have ignored for so long.  What goals and desires did we have that we forgot?  Do we still have those dreams and what new dreams have come to us?  Why haven’t we pursued them?

What habits fill our lives, take our time, money and energy keeping us from feeling that hole?  What is the self talk running on a continuous loop in our heads keeping us from making life affirming choices and building a better lifestyle?  Lack of self trust and self love sabotage and cripple us.

When we have put our goals, needs and desires on the back burner because we believed some one else was more deserving than ourselves, we reiterate to our minds and hearts: we are not worthy.  Then our choices and decisions are processed through that filter.

Its time to change the filter.

Its time to put ourselves first…. not to be selfish and narcissistic, but to treat ourselves like someone we love.  We need to be healthy and fulfilled in order to give soul nourishing love to others.  We must begin with ourselves.  We are worthy.  We are loved.  We are enough.    It’s time to revolutionize our mindset with positive love and nourishment for ourselves.

Where do we start?   With self care.

Self care in emotional, mental and physical ways.  For myself, that begins today on my yoga mat.  Time to strengthen and honor my body; quiet the mind; soothe the emotions.  I invite you to journey with me.  You are worthy of time and nourishment.  I invite you to be good to yourself today.

Namaste

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